So I have awoken to find a note placed on the pillow next to me which means I was sleeping and through my sheer exhaustion did not rouse when someone entered my room and placed it here. At first I saw the sonnets and thought how quaint. But something caught my eye, the spacing I knew at once it was coded. A sort of puzzle trying every logical cipher I knew of I was perplexed for at least the better part of half an hour. When Sophie came to my room demanding to talk with me. I bid her entry if only to stop her commotion in the hallway. And to my dismay she revealed rather unabashedly that she was eavesdropping on mine and Mr. Teche’s conversation the previous morning. I realized that she would not be dissuaded but needed to be handled before all of London knew of the engagment and I wanted to speak with Eustice before telling anyone. Then she told me I needed to hurry and dress for tea. Time has begun to slip away from me. How many days has it been since I was last treated in the light room? Five or six. But I knew I would be dragged to tea whether I wanted to come or not. I realized that I no longer had any apparel except that which the Baroness had commisioned for me shortly before my coming out party. I also realized that Sophie was still babbling beside me about a ring and asking me a question. What was Mr. Teche’s favorite color? I couldn’t really recall its not a topic upon which either of us spoke. So it was expected of me to know this and not only know this but to dress according to his liking now. How absurd. No man awakes in the morning and wonders what to wear that would please his wife/fiancee/or called upon lady. Besides as much as she means well Sopihe keeps forgetting that I’m also in mourning for the the rest of the year and will wear nothing but black. Then something she said made think of a certain meter…the puzzle I had solves…It was a note from Eustice…He loves me. It was the single most romantic thing that has every been done for me. Thankfully Sophie was there to help me dress…corsets are not something one can easily put on by oneself. I also decided to leave my hair down as I did not have time to properly pin it up before tea. Sophie and I entered the sitting area for tea with the Baroness, Mr. Teche, Mr. Haverly, and St. Mychals (who I have observed pays close attention to Miss St. Claire.) The Baroness had an announcement of sorts, she may have found a way to cure those of us who had been bitten. I was elated until I realized that this involved her magicks…and had no real basis in medicine or science. But she postulated that it may affect my mental capacity, which she hypothesized was increase due to the bite, oh how I wish my station were such tbat I could have corrected her. I was this intelligent long before the bite. I was also more physically inclined before the attact. I was tryingt o find a way to interject some logic into our upcoming plans when I lost my train of thought. Perhaps the corset was set a little too tight it became very warm and felt light headed. Perhaps this is the reason for all the swooning in the female nature…not our nature its our damned apparel. However before I could recover my wits enough to continue I completly lost them and quite beyond my control I flung myself into Eustice’s strong arms. It wasn’t until Sophie had the present of mind to douse me with the sugar bowl that I was able to come to my senses…I wasn’t in full control of my faculties anymore. I was terrified, ashamed, and angry. I ran from the room before I could lapse any further. I fear I’m losing the only thing I have left…my mind. GOD help me the well meaning people around me do not possess the knowledge I believe will lead to my cure. Can I hold together long enough to help myself and the others or will I lose myself and be committed to a lying down hospital or worse a sanitarium? I realize that the solution likely lies somewhere between science and magick and it will be up to me to find the path that meets up to the magick. But can I do this thing before I through myself on Eustice again or what if I can’t control myself and become more and more like Miss Blaizdark, suppose I throw myself on the Colonial or Mr. Gray…what will Eustice think, will he still love me, will he realize that I can’t help myself? I pray that I should be ovecome with wanton urges let me be overcome near my intended. Why me? first I lose my family one by one and am attacked when I go out to begin gaining the skills I will need to go look for my parents. I will find the answer…I must.
I also figured out that I do not have a Dutch detector as I first surmised but an Anachronometer. Which may come in handy. I note this now b/c my thought scatter. There is something else about a watch however I can’t focus too much on it or I become overwhelmed I do not know if its connected to the object or my condition worsening? If ever you read this Eustice dear know that I truly do care for you and only wanted to make a life together no matter what actually happens know this.